By Wayne Brekke
Beware of spoilers.
There are two ways one can review Tusk from director
Kevin Smith. One is from a fan’s point of view. The other is mine: someone who knows
Smith as a creator of Clerks, the silent half of Jay and Silent Bob, and now an
actor/director who has become a podcast juggernaut.
I enjoyed most of Smith’s movies and appreciate his
status as a podcaster and comic book aficionado. That said, I don’t hold him as
a film genius nor can I listen to his Smodcast. It’s just not my thing. I do
appreciate his style. Dogma is my favorite Smith offering and because of that I
thought of him as a director and writer who had grown from the indie guerrilla
film making days of Clerks (ala Red State, Chasing Amy, Zack and Miri Make a
Porno).
I was excited to see how Smith would handle the horror
genre and was anticipating something smart, darkly funny, and disturbing. That
is actually exactly what Tusk is, though it has some glaring faults. Yes, it is
a hostage movie about a man wanting to transform his victim into a human/walrus
hybrid. You’ll have to
listen to the podcast this movie was based on to
understand the full reason the movie was made and the absurdity behind it.
Still, I believe both fans and non-fans of Smith’s work may come out scratching
their heads. But maybe that’s what Smith wanted.
The Good
The story itself is absurd but not out of the realm of
disturbing horror. Michael Parks delivers a haunting performance as the
psychotic captor. His delivery of Smith’s verbose dialogue is engaging and
terrifying. You immediately buy into his twisted mind and really don’t question
his motives, even if those motives are to take a person and turn them into a
walrus.
Justin Long has been a favorite of mine since his debut
in Galaxy Quest, and his performance in Jeepers Creepers was fun-funny, emotional,
and terrifying. In this movie, it was after his capture and transformation where
Long shined. His expressive eyes and reactions of terror drew you in.
The walrus is the big reveal. And it pays off. Long is
prepped to become Mr. Tusk by having his legs removed and his arms attached to
his body. We learn that other victims of captor Howard Howe (Parks) have
provided the skin needed for the walrus suit that Wallace (Long) will
eventually become. The practical effects are disturbing and convincing.
Surgically modified and sewn into the suit, Wallace wakes to find he is helpless.
He realizes he now has flippers, a new body, no tongue, and of course, tusks.
Long plays the part well, you pity him and wonder if he’ll somehow manage to
escape.
The Bad
I often note horror movies right at the point where you
buy out. In this genre you have to suspend belief, but it’s when the story
pulls you out of the movie in ways that could have been avoided that make it
not fun. Oddly, the story didn't draw me out as much as Smith’s choices did.
Buy out #1 came with the reason Wallace (Long) was to go
to Canada in the first place, a clip of a kid swinging a Samurai sword and
cleanly cutting off his leg. First off that physically couldn't happen, and if
it did, it would not be on YouTube long. Nor would it be considered so
hilarious. Of course when Wallace gets there the kid had committed suicide
(somehow he manages to show up right as the funeral was going on in the kid’s
back yard?) and it’s here you realize the clip was supposed to be real. So there
you go, stuck in Canada.
Wallace was also not a convincing podcaster, (the wonky
pop filter on the microphone was there, but not even being used) and the bits
they were recording were just not believable or funny in any way.
There was also no reason to make Wallace such a dick at
first because it just didn’t seem natural. Haley Joel Osment as his sidekick
Teddy was almost annoying as a giddy co-host of a raunchy podcast that is
supposed to be so popular as to garner the pair six figures a year (unless you
are a podcaster, you may not care so much about these details).
Canadian stereotypes were off the charts. You were never
really sure if this was meant to be on purpose, as a spoof or joke, or just bad
acting.
Yes, Johnny Depp is in this film as an investigator. It
was at this point half the movie took a dramatic nosedive. His
ultra-stereotyped character was a complete distraction. A French investigator
with a beret and such a quirky way of speaking that it was as if you were
watching another Scary Movie installment. It was just bad. Paired with the
lengthy and useless monologue his character Guy LaPointe was altogether
annoying and a quick buy out point for the entire movie.
It was at this point that the two characters Teddy and
Wallace’s girlfriend Ally, were simply there for no other reason than to make
the gruesome discovery. They didn’t talk much after that and were just
bobble-heads for the ridiculous LaPointe character. Spoiler – Teddy and Ally
were supposedly having an affair as Wallace had changed so much and was a
cheating asshole. Again, why was this relevant to the story?
The Ugly
Tusk is a horror ride that takes you on many ups and
downs, but never really knows where it’s going. Sadly, your destination is so
incredibly ludicrous that you almost walk out of the theater in the last 5
minutes. Four of the four people in the theater when I went all laughed out
loud in disbelief. The biggest buy out was the finale and it leaves you
wondering if Smith was high or just didn’t care about the audience at all.
We are supposed to believe that after one week of, albeit
horrible, disfigurement and emotional abuse that he is a broken man who has
transformed into a savage walrus. There simply would be no way that poor
Wallace would end up in some sketchy, run down, middle of nowhere ANIMAL
SANCTUARY! If this was an attempt at humor, it failed. I don’t even need to
explain any more about the ending.
To me, a good story can have a ridiculous foundation, yet
still be entertaining in many ways if attention is paid to the peripheral story
lines, common sense, and logic. It’s what makes the difference between good and
bad horror. You can suspend belief if the common sense things don’t raise red
flags, but every small red flag pulls you that much more out of the story.
Conclusion
As much as you may like Kevin Smith’s movies, this one won’t
be your favorite. It has high and low points but in the end is nowhere close to
the smart, well told tales of horror-coms like Tucker and Dale, Shawn of the
Dead, or Cabin in the Woods. Stream it or rent Tusk, then hope that Smith makes
more, better horror films.
Then go get your Kevin Smith fix by watching Dogma.
There is a sign posted over the main entrance of
Disneyland. It reads “Here you leave
today and enter the world of yesterday, tomorrow and fantasy.” It is the happiest place on Earth, but you
never know what might be lurking around the corner!
